Par for the course.

I dont know where to begin. So I'll ramble.

"I have met someone that makes me happy. Something I thought would never happen again."

Where was he three days ago when you needed a ride for a hundred mile round trip to get a free lawnmower. The same night when you told me there was nothing to eat at your house and I bought you $140.00 in groceries. Where was this fountain of happiness?

I"ve been well aware since childhood that life is simply not fair. You will travel through life and make the most you can with the hand your dealt. Along the way people you have not wronged will choose to make you an enemy whether you participate in the rivalry or not. Women will tease you, whether your intentions are true or not. In fact in all cases you seem to get more carnal satisfation from those whom you have absolutely no long term interest or honest intent toward whatsoever. So im not one to judge.

I need to stop wanting someone that Im just not gonna get. The budhist's let us know long ago that all suffering is born of desire, and attachment. To lay down this attachment and desire is to extinguish the suffering. Easier said than done in some cases. Also, it's interesting to note that the budhist's would allow monks to leave the temple at will to venture into the world for a time and fuck like mad. (2 or 3 times in there life, at there choosing) I imagine this came about due to how potentialy dangerous a sex starved fighting monk could be.

I envy all of the greasy, pale, chubby, 85 iq point sheep. Happily married to there equallateral opposites. Happily ignorant of just about everything outside of there immediate line of site. Raising those equally american future dreggs on society. Because they are happy, content, and loved.

Im gonna get stoned on something completely legal, go to wal-mart and buy some plastic bullshit that I dont even need.

christ.






I feel numb and adrift. Im not angry, im not sad, I simply feel as though im here. Waiting for the next wonderful misadventure. I can however look at this objectively from a third person perspective and howl at myself with laughter.